paradise (is) lost, or, (take heart, little christy) -

"Only in destroying I find ease to my restless thoughts."
Paradise Lost, Book 9, lines 129-30

road flies under too fast
karen o screams from this lung
red ash caught in my eyelid
and i cannot make them black enough

i'm running fast without a map
not even a compass to reign me in
this is fear
and if perfect love drives that out
i have never known love before

SHALL I NEVER LEAVE THIS MUSE THAT TEMPTS
AND DIES TO FIND ME DAMNED
(it's all a ploy, and I will die before making one more play in this game)

"I have given my pain a name. I call it 'Assault.'
Assault, I say, will you please go out for a walk and
leave me alone?
Will you please go out for a walk and
get run over by a train?"

What happens when one gets broken open? Writing gets made, poets get published, and humanity gets better for one fifth of a second. "Well I was once a (man) content to be alone. Now that I have been broken open, everything has edges-"

isis isis isis black and red/fucked by the muse/if even the savior has suffered confusion is there any hope for me hope for me hope for me no,

oh but this cross,

i know it now,

i shall never leave this muse that tempts and dies to find me damned (and this muse is truly but sin)
until things make sense for the first time, because
i am so easily given (to all)
i am so easily taken (with the muse)
and by this i mean the same thing-

oh but this cross, i cannot shake it, it's there, brighter than all these tears,
more terrible and beautiful and quiet and thrashed and tranquil, oh but this cross-

it screams to me in the softest voice,
take heart, little Christy,

for I have overcome the world,

and i run run run away faster than anyone ever did,

but god -